Submission is such a feared word among both men and women today. It is viewed as a sign of weakness, a sign that "you can't hold your own." However, to be able to submit to another person is a quality that takes so much strength and fortitude, it is hardly a sign of weakness.
Submission plays a big part in marriage as I have learned in the past few months. I remember when the priest quoted Colossians 3:18 during his sermon at our wedding. Those dreaded words came out of his mouth echoing through the church:
"Wives, be subject to your husbands."
I can just imagine what was going through the minds of those sitting in the pews who are not so religious, and I'm sure it went something like this:
Woman: "Are you kidding me?! She should not have to subject to him! She is not his property. How dare they say that."
Man: "Yeah man! What I say goes. This guy knows what he's talking about! I'm going to use this line next time."
But what they failed to hear is the next verse which is of utmost importance.
"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter towards them."
Women, do not think you have the short end of the stick here. You may be thinking, "Why do I have to break down and submit to him, and all he has to do is "love" me?" But I think we all know that loving someone, especially when you don't particularly feel like loving them, is hard work.
These men are not getting off easy by any means. God does not say to them, "Love your wives only when they're making you happy." No, it simply says to love. He must love you when you're being difficult, he must love you when you're moody, he must love you when you're mad. And I give men props for this, because I know how I can be, and I know how other women can be, and let's just say that we can be quite scary sometimes.
Yes, girls, the verse does still say to submit to your husbands. Allow him to be the head of the household, let him make the final decisions on what is best for the family. And if you love him as you should, your submission will not seem so difficult. But remember, men, while you are making these decisions, you must do it with supreme love for your wife. If you love her with your whole heart, you will make decisions with her in mind.
Submission and love go hand in hand, for there cannot be one without the other. It takes both to make a couple grow together through life's trials and tribulations.
Marriage is no picnic, my friends, but with genuine effort and love from one another, it can turn into something truly beautiful.
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ReplyDeleteI believe submission on a wife's part is not because of her incapability to make important decisions. Important decisions should definitely be discussed between the couple, but in many cases, there can be no agreement so someone has to have the final say. I think a couple has to discuss who has final say over certain matters in their life. For example, in mine and Noah's life, he gets the final say over finances. Since he shows so much love to me, it never truly seems like he does because he doesn't dictate what I buy. But in the end, he makes the decision "Can we afford this?" I, on the other hand, tend to make decisions when it comes to Grace because it is my expertise. For example, with schooling I have chosen to homeschool and Noah fully supported my final decision. Traditional gender roles don't have the bad taste that most people are used to! When done right, and with love, they can actually be quite great!
DeleteAnna, I went back and removed my initial comment because I was concerned it sounded judgemental, which was not my intention. But, your response indicates that you didn't take it that way. So, I reposted it below.
DeleteAnyhow, it sounds to me like your decision-making is similar to the marriages I am familiar with. One person has an expertise in one area and therefore tends to take the lead in those decisions. What I find, at least in my marriage, is that one spouse is happy to allow the other to take the lead in those situations.
Thank you for sharing those examples. Some of the things I have read regarding this topic were quite unnerving and not at all like what you describe.
As a side note, I think your decision to homeschool Grace is admirable. She is a lucky girl to have parents that care for her as you and Noah do.
Anna, this is not the first time I've heard of young couples choosing to maintain traditional roles with the husband taking the lead and the wife playing a submissive or supportive role. When this topic arises, regardless of how it is presented, my mind conjures up visions of unequal partnerships with the husbands' thoughts, opinions and desires taking precedence. Moreover, it appears as if the wives are deemed less capable of making important decisions. Therefore, I cannot understand why a loving couple would choose to define their marriage in terms of dominance and submission. Yet, I try to keep an open mind. Perhaps I don't have a clear idea as to how this plays out in every day life. To clarify, maybe you could share a couple of examples as to how this might work. As always, I'm happy to see that you are sharing your journey with the world.
ReplyDelete